Kermet Apio's Laugh Corner

September 2004

Hi…I’m Kermet

My name is Kermet Apio and I am a comedian based here in Seattle. I decided to use my first column to tell you a bit about myself. It is quite an honor to be asked to join the Hawai`i Times `ohana (family) and write mo’olelo (stories) for the paper. I will provide translations in parenthesis to help those of you not as familiar with the language.

I was hā nau (born) on the island of O`ahu (Oahu) and lived in the town of `Ewa Beach (west siiiiiide). As a keiki (child) I enjoyed going to the kahakai (beach) and picking limu (seaweed). I spent a lot of time with hoaloha (friends), enjoying all the things there are to do in ` Ewa Beach (throw rocks at windows and watch planes land every ten minutes).

From the `Eono (sixth) grade on, I attended `Iolani (private school), which was a whole new world for me (I was one of the dumbest kids in school). That year my family moved to Foster Village (lots of white neighbors) and they still live in that house today (only now it has air conditioning).

After learning that the ancient Hawaiians practiced Mōhai (virgin sacrifice), I considered going to college on the `ā ina i loko (mainland). I decided on the U-Dub (University of Washington ) because of their diverse offerings in secondary education (I liked their colors). So with a lot of aloha (love), I bid Aloha (goodbye) to Hawaii and got on a plane that wasn’t Aloha (airline) and said Aloha (hello) to Seattle.

When I arrived in Seattle I experienced the ua (rain). Then more ua (rain). Then ua (rain) after ua (rain) after ua (rain). When the Lā (sun) finally came out, I had to tell some of the haole (nice Seattle people) what it was. I got yoostatoo (used to) the rain and started to really love Seattle. After college (two years later, do the math) I started working for United Airlines as a Server Unit Maintenance Technician (I scraped dirty food trays).

Then I started doing comedy as a hobby (for free). I realized I love to ho’okipa (entertain) and have been performing for almost 15 years (I’m getting old). I have performed in 44 states and have appeared on five national television programs (like COPS). I have a lovely wife (I’m serious) and a wonderful child (no junior).

I hope this helps you get to know me and I’m looking forward to writing this column (I have a lot of free time).

A hui ho aku (Until we meet again)

Auwe! (this spell check is taking forever!)

Kermet Apio is a Hawaiian born comedian based in Seattle . He has performed in 44 states as well television shows such as "Star Search", "Evening at the Improv", and "Comedy Showcase". He has showcased at the Aspen and Las Vegas Comedy Festivals and has appeared numerous times on National Public Radio.